new world order

Last night my landlord (who is seventy-four) was bemoaning the fact that we in North America spend so much money keeping our elderly alive for ten years longer than we should, while the world lurches under the weight of ridiculous overpopulation and poverty. He's been reading "The Upside of Down", about the inevitable downfall of the consumer/conformist "developed" nations, and was glum about our chances as a race.

We came up with a solution - a solution so breathtakingly simple that it's a wonder it's not been thought of before: all the male leaders in the entire world should step down and hand the reins over to the women. I know, I know... I'm a sexist pig who ought to be shot (or at least burned to death on a heap of bras), but hear me out.

Men are aggressive, obnoxious pigs who plow violently ahead when wisdom cries "caution". Yes, men are responsible for a few scientific "advances", but they've caused eight million times more regressions. Sure, men are handy in a pinch (like getting the lids off of pesky jam jars), but don't you think it would be better if they had women to tell them what to do?

Females can be catty, vituperative, whining, wheedling whirlwinds of pissyness - but they don't start wars. They may demand a ridiculous assortment of consumer products (products the producing of which makes for ecological disaster and economic oppression) to hide the way they actually look and to one-up the other women - but let's face it, they mostly only do this because men treat them like objects in the first place!

Sure, we'd probably end up putting down our guns and having "International Feeling Day" and "Nail Polish Wednesdays" ... but the guns would be down, right? I know it's not too likely. But what are we without our dreams? Think about it.