bzeep deep beep pssssssssssst

We interrupt this program to bring you a few words from our sponsor - or rather, the company that would be our sponsor if we had that sort of marketing clout.

That's right, folks, we're talking about the all new "Seventh Generation" cleaning products. They're non-toxic, biodegradable, and hypo-allergenic. Did you ever wonder - when you put all that nasty, toxic, deep-cleaning stuff in the machine, the dishwasher, the sink, or down the drain - what exactly happened to it? You didn't? Well, I'm here to tell you, my friend, that it did not magically transport itself in vapor form through a wormhole to the alternate universe where exists Hell for All Terrorists Who Are Not Native English Speakers (and who deserve it). No, no, my friends, that stuff stays RIGHT HERE.

Which is why I'm endorsing Seventh Generation products, so named for a Law of the Iroquois Confederacy, which stated that "In our every deliberation, we must consider the impact of our decisions on the next seven generations" (or something similar to that, only not in English). This means that instead of always taking the easier, cheaper route, we should probably consider whether or not that route leads down into a pond of toxic sludge.

Wait, wait, you say! Did you say, "cheaper"? So that means this Seventh Generation stuff costs more money than what I'm already using? What kind of a sales pitch is that? Well, it would depend if by "cheaper" you meant, "costs less money". If, however, you expanded the term to include the cost to the environment of pumping literally tons of carcinogenic, life-destroying products into the soil and water, then you might begin to see this Seventh Generation stuff as not such a bad deal. When you consider that if every household in the U.S. replaced just one bottle of 25oz petroleum-based dishwashing liquid with Seventh Generation's 25oz vegetable-based product, they'd be saving 81,000 barrels of oil - or enough to heat and cool 4,600 standard, oversized U.S. homes for an entire year! Not bad, eh?

How do I sign up, you ask? How do I go out and do my part to shoulder a tiny bit of ecological responsibility and become just a bit better steward of this beautiful planet? Here's the amazing part - this stuff is available in many grocery stores IN YOUR AREA! So look around! Join the movement!

And now, back to our show...