a smile and a sneer

Have you noticed that most of my posts have been either silly or satirical this last long while? I wonder if it's because I'm torn between a deep sorrow for which I cannot find words (and which I can only alleviate with laughter) and an unwillingness to let evil go unnoticed, or if, rather, I am just a lazy, failed intellectual unable to clearly state an opinion who is forced, as a result, to wallow in the ridiculous?

Wow! That sentence sure was a mouthful - a mouthful for which I do not have a ready answer. I think, instead, I will just add a silly picture and the following bitter diatribe...

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An old neighbor of mine recently suggested on his website that those environmental "scientists" who keep going on about "global warming" can't be making it up because they do not really have any reason to lie. I responded as follows:

"Sure, Juanito, on the surface of things it would seem that they don't have a reason to lie. But aren't you forgetting what Jerry Falwell said... that the whole global warming thing is just the devil's way of getting the church to ignore the important work of spreading the gospel? They're lying, you see, because the devil's making them do it - just like the devil is making those dirty, pinko-commie, "progressive", liberal "christians" lie and say that the "gospel" that Jesus brought us was about Ridiculous Grace that manifests itself as a desire for social justice and a loving, non-destructive lifestyle that seeks to live at peace with the whole world, both natural and human, thereby proving that the Kingdom of God is at hand - here! now!

Why can't these miscreants see that the True and only Gospel is about saving people like homos and liberals and abortionists from the burning fires of hell, where they'll most surely end up if we don't do something TODAY!

Seriously - what are they thinking! The earth can't be destroyed before God's timing (as it has been revealed through the completely literal testimony of the Book of Revelation and further illuminated in the sacred "Left Behind" series) - so nothing we do to the planet can affect that timing in one way or another.

God is completely in control of everything that happens ever. Everything that happens is God's first choice for how it could happen, and nothing we do can have the slightest effect on that. To suggest that God's best and God's choice might actually allow for us to make a few choices, now and then, is ludicrous! Anyone who says differently is a dirty fool, and if Our Father, John Calvin, were alive today, he'd have these heretics burned at the stake and poked, as they died, with sharp sticks.

The Bible, you see, is not so much a creative work of God through men who lived in a specific time as it is a sort of an elaboration of the ten commandments, which HE wrote with his very own FINGER. These are black-and-white prescriptions of Rules for Living, and the Only difficulty anyone can legitimately have with that is that there aren't enough of them. Even so, their meaning is always perfectly clear and perfectly in line with what we, today, think is right.

Sure, you might call it pride, in light of some of the misguided directions the church has taken in the past, for the modern church to think it has a direct line to the mind of God - but that was the past! Little indiscretions like the Crusades and the Salem Witch Trials and the wholehearted endorsement of Slavery were the historical misunderstandings of people who, unlike us, allowed themselves to be swayed by pride, economic influence, and political agenda. Today, however, through Progressive Revelation of the Most High directly to us (the collective Protestant, Conservative, Fundamentalist, Republican clump), we have at last arrived at a real and true understanding of the Mind of God.

That's right, His thoughts are actually Our thoughts and His ways are Our ways. At least, for the most part - enough for us to say with firm conviction, as revealed by God, that there is no such thing as global warming.

I rest my case."

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Too silly? Not silly enough? I just don't know any more. I do know, however, that as an expectant father, I'm going to have to stem the outrage if I'm going to give my kid-to-be a hopeful outlook on life. Ooops! Did I just admit that?

Yep, it's true. I've done my part to contribute to the overpopulation of this planet. Maybe it isn't an entirely bad thing - some of my more "fundy" relatives have informed me that the population is actually declining in the west, and only in those dirty muslim and communist countries is the population exploding. Having kids, apparently, is for me a way of fighting off the domestic labor shortage and keeping out those questionably brainwashed immigrants.

Who would have thought that procreation, aside from being such a rollicking good time, could also be so political?