loopy-doo

If you haven’t bought any of my paintings yet, maybe you should consider it. Why, You ask? Well, I’ll tell you (and this is the insider scoop).

I might being going crazy. Not only will this possibly slow down the production-line paintings I have been cranking out at a rate of one every two months, decreasing the availability of my work (supply and demand, baby!) it is also likely to seriously increase their value. Think of Mozart and Van Gogh – would they be half as famous if they’d been half as batty? I think not.

Before you run out and throw all your money away on something as frivolous as my art, I guess I ought to back my assertion up with some evidence.

People’s Exhibit A: A few nights ago, while brushing my teeth, I started crying for no apparent reason. Sob, sob, teary, teary – the whole bit. I wasn’t pregnant, there was nothing particularly wrong in my life, but there I was: brush, blubber, brush, blubber, blubb. That is some weird-butt monkey poo.

People’s Exhibit B: Two days ago I was driving to pick my wife up in Abbotsford. I got to the light before the onramp for the highway and BAM, totally blanked out. Not only did I not know where I was going and what I was doing, I also had no idea where I was. I honestly had no idea if I was in Vancouver, Surrey, White Rock, or Albuquerque, New Mexico. I didn’t know whether to go left, right, forward or back, so I just sat there at that green light, panicking. And this was no isolated event! More and more often, I find myself having difficulty placing myself in space and time. I also get mixed up about whether something happened a long time ago, yesterday, or in a dream.

I know what you are thinking – he is not crazy, he has just got that whatchamacallit old-timer’s disease – and I would tend to agree with you. If I was, say, fifty. But I am only twenty-seven. No, my friends, this is no senile dementia, this is straight up dementia of the first order.

So here is your golden moment. Invest now! Last chance! Etcetera, etcetera!!