why, bother

Is it... is it all just an excuse for laziness - this writing and scratching and penning and repeating and such? For I write, but without the completion and release of publication - eschewing even the quick fix of the journalistic propaganda wars for the entertainment of the masses (who do not listen, but rather FEEL and then ATTACK). But it wouldn't be fair to say that I'm blah blah blahing away just to gratify myself. Why would I? I don't even enjoy it all that much.

What I need, really, is a cause, and "The High and Exalted Cause of Fame, Power and Wealth" doesn't seem to be giving me the sort of Motive Force, if you will (or "oomph", if you won't), to really follow through with something. It's the same with painting. I'm doing it - but only a little. I got no finish.

I end up wondering why I keep writing, and if anything will really come of these words. But why do I need some sort of purpose? Can't this be merely cathartic? Isn't that enough?

Or am I that needy - that desperate for people to notice me and affirm that I matter and that I've something to say? And if I am - then why? I've got a desperately loving wife (and puppy), a smashing family, and any number of friends who both love and appreciate me.

If the answer is that I've just been pulling the age old trick of trying to plug an infinite hole with some piffling ly finite affirmation then why? I know such a thing is an idiocy, but I suppose I can be forgiven, seeing as how I am - how does Agent Smith put it? - only human.


For further illumination on this topic, read the April 9th entry on www.beninrio.blogspot.com. Then think about it. Then pop on over to www.joshgarrels.com, and prepare for further growth.